June 19, 2009 Earworm

The results of recent Facebook quiz show that a majority of my friends think that my favorite movie is "Desperately Seeking Susan". It's not. Not that there's anything wrong with it. In fact, it's probably the most accurate depiction of the two worlds co-existing, and often clashing, to be found in a mainstream movie. Plus, you get Madonna dancing to her own "Into The Groove" and even the harshest critic of Madonna had to admit that it was a damn fine record. The Q-sound mix found on The Immaculate Collection, to my ears, pointlessly tampered with a perfect thing so look for the UK cd single of "Angel" if you want the real thing in digital form.

Have a great weekend.

February 18, 2009 Earworm

I've long suspected the choice of "Rain" as a single was clearly an attempt at damage control after Madonna's vagina had been given free rein during the "Erotica" period. As with any of her albums, the first two singles - "Erotica" and "Deeper And Deeper" - did well, but "Bad Girl", perhaps too confessional, broke her string of top twenty hits. As the unsold copies of "Erotica" began their return to the distributors, "Sex" continued to be a punchline and the debacle of "Body of Evidence" sank: it was beginning to look like a major crisis for the newly christened multimedia company, Maverick.

Taking the most commercial track from the album, track ten - which was exactly where the long winded album should have ended - and stripping it of its low moaning synth lines at the bottom - the tension of the unfulfilled, replacing it's beautiful strings with what sounds suspiciously like elements of "Crazy For You", and dropping the internal dialog found in the recitation on the album version, a remix was created that was as sterile as the double bagged. As dull as it became, it worked and back in the top twenty she went with what sounded like a typical ballad of love in which no one notices lyrics like "I will raise you from the ground (everything strange) and without a sound you'll appear (everything wild) and surrender to me". In other words, all the things that suggested the unsafe, all the things that made "Rain" one of her most interesting records to date, and all the things that sometimes still choke me up a bit when I hear it.

August 28, 2008 Earworm

For those who despair over the notions of purity, Peggy Lee's rendition of "Fever" is an insult to both Little Willie John, the singer of the first version, and to songwriters Eddie Cooley and Otis Blackwell, the latter writing under the name of John Davenport. Of course, these are the very same people who bemoan Elvis' absconding with race music and making a fortune on the backs of those with a lesser audience. But no one has been able to offer proof of Cooley and Blackwells' indignation - particularly the latter who benefited greatly from the success of Miss Lee's record when Elvis took notice as well as the unwanted "Don't Be Cruel" for his next release - and I'm sure everyone cashed their royalty checks.

Little Willie's version is a delightfully lascivious treat that made the little girls who understood wiggle in their seat. But where his recording uses the tales of Romeo and Juliet and Capt. Smith and Pocahantas to provide examples of why they should give in to his seduction, the cool and calculated Miss Lee delivers the same information as a distraction from the directness of her opening statements, distancing herself as a lady would, and letting the tom toms do the hip swiveling for her. With Willie, you're left with no doubt as to what you're going to get where as with Peggy, you're left with only an idea and a lot of hope.

Oddly enough, in the end, everyone is satisfied.

August 08, 2008 Earworm

Stephen Bray and Madonna where cranking out so many tunes in the mid-eighties that they had to start throwing them at other people. One lucky recipient was the UK face of 1985, Nick Kamen. Thanks to a sexy Levi's 501 ad where he stripped down to his boxers and socks, the cover boy of The Face achieved a lascivious level of infamy and someone had the bright idea of a career in pop music. Possessing just the sort of look that left Madonna weak in the knees, she and Bray offered up "Each Time You Break My Heart", a song that sounds like an out-take from "True Blue". To ensure a smooth transition to the charts, Madonna co-produced and left her backing vocals entact. Triangulating six degrees, her co-star from the "Open Your Heart" video, little Felix Howard - another face from The Face, in a small supporting "huh?" role for the video that seems to take place in a gay bar in Boy's Town just before opening time where a captive audience is forced to admire Nick's total embodiment of what was once called the Buffalo look. And yes, there are plenty of stances...

"Each Time You Break My Heart" hit the UK top ten but couldn't move its way beyond the US Dance chart but did find a welcoming home here in earworm central where memories of Kenny singing "Today I Met The Boy I'm Gonna Marry" every time he saw Nick's face keep it in periodic rotation.

If you ever wondered what happened to that little boy from Madonna's video, check fine print of your Kylie Minogue and Amy Winehouse discs. Sadly, that's one pretty face that didn't age well. Last news of Nick was that he's traveling in India, suggesting that a sheep farm may not have happened.


Nick Kamen's biggest hit:


Nick Kamen's other hit:

May 02, 2008 Earworm

It's been fifty days since the last Madonna earworm and, being a 'mo, I am contractually obligated to translate her age in years to days and not allow more than that time to pass without a mention. Complicated, huh?

So, it's a good thing that I woke up with "4 Minutes" in my head along with the panic stricken barking of dogs. Slipping into my birkenstockian slippers I rushed to follow twelve feet down the stairs and gracefully slipped mid-way, landing once on my head and then again on my ass, as three Irish Terriers looked back to laugh. Regaining my footing - and making a mental note to get new morning footwear - I rushed to the back door to release the beasts who then noisily cleared the back yard of the band of squirrels who were plotting something evil against our fortress or, perhaps, to take over the world. All without even a second of help from Madonna, Justin, or Timbaland.

I'm still undecided about Madonna's latest album, "Hard Candy". I don't really care that she's broken her pattern of unearthing new truffle talent to help her create her latest (ahem) artistic statement, choosing instead to go with the latest pop saviour (Justin) and a producer of the minute who, by now, surely must be on the edge of his sell by date (Timbaland), because a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do when she's pushing pop songs to the kids whilst filling out the AARP membership forms.

No, the problem I have with "Hard Candy" is that it doesn't fill me up. There's very little to be found under the colorful coating, its on the beat posturing allowing Madonna to skip any emotional content. Sure, she's provided us some wince and groan inducing lyrics in her time - "Don't Stop", anyone - but she's usually more on than off when she's not trying to pound us over the head with a deep thought - "In This Life", anyone?

Maybe I'm just becoming an old fuck but I still expect to hear something to shout about, even when I'm dancing, and considering that I've gotten to this age with Madge, I expect her to deliver. So far, "Hard Candy" says nothing to me. Not that it matters, because it's on target to be her seventh #1 album in the US - moving her one spot closer to tying with Streisand, and "4 Minutes" is her 37th top ten single - making her the girl with the most of those. So, for now, the kiddies are on board and she can still dance with Justin without anyone saying, "Awwwww, how sweet". For now.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock

March 28, 2008 Earworm

Madonna's "Crazy For You", a one-off licensing deal with Geffen Records was at number one the week of May 11th, 1985 but the folks at that label had high hopes for another single that was debuting that week: "Ways To Be Wicked" by Lone Justice. It may have been written for, and turned down by, Stevie Nicks but Tom Petty found the perfect voice for his song in what sounded like a combination of the daughter of Brenda Lee and little sister of Rachel Sweet.

An appearance on SNL where Maria McKee screamed and spun like a Tasmanian Diva left all that saw it speechless and sure that they'd just witnessed something miraculous but the band never made the leap to the big pop success their label envisioned. A second single, "Sweet, Sweet Baby (I'm Falling)" - one of this typer's favorite records of all time - fared even worse than "Ways" and when the time came to record a second album, "Shelter", the band was basically no more.

Maria McKee is still going and other than the label driven first solo album, she's not made a bad record yet.

Happy weekend!

March 12, 2008 Earworm

After the sleaze and frenzy of the "Erotic" album /"Sex" book, Madonna managed to wrangle her angry vagina back into her skirt and released the mediocre and safe "I'll Remember" in what appeared to be an attempt to wipe the debacle from the bottom of her shoe. "I'll Remember" quickly jumped up to #2 on the big chart, behind the even more forgettable "I Swear" by All 4 One, and all seemed to be righted, yet kinda dull, in Madonnaland.

Hearing of an upcoming album release, I couldn't help but imagine amusingly awful scenarios; one favorite involved a disastrous attempt at heavy metal with an overblown video where she would bite Ozzy Osbourne's head off while being ridden by a mule.

And I call myself a fan...

Little did I know that she'd head off of the dance floor with two of the better (i.e. real) items from "Erotic", "Bad Girl" and "Rain", and make an album that not only melted in your mouth but didn't require a bottle of Quell and fine tooth comb to enjoy. "Bedtime Story" tossed aside the cold and sterile fetishism of "Erotic"/"Sex" and pumped blood into an organ that many feared Madonna had misplaced amongst her condoms and poppers. Warm and embracing, with heart as well as brains, you're invited into a bedroom but it's only for some decent conversation, honest reflection, and maybe a little cuddling: a grown up slumber party for folks who have some sorting-out to do. A friend once described it as "creamy" and that's the closest anyone's been able to get to an apt description of how it sounds to me.

Other than the heavenly "Take A Bow" - which we will leave for another time , "Inside Of Me" is the highlight of the album. Without so much as a glance at the possible double entrendre of the title, "Inside of Me" contemplates the lingering effect of loss and the simple comforts that can be found in remembering the smallest detail of what is no longer there. With a smooth jeep groove that periodically stutters like a strong shake of the head one sometimes needs to keep self pitying thoughts at bay, "Inside Of Me" places you inside the struggle to find a new you in being alone. It could be about a former lover, a best friend, or even a pet, and it's that ambiguity that made me fall in love with Madonna all over again. By refraining from telling us to get hard or to mourn the untimely death of an AIDS victim, and/or to become intellectualized by - but not intimate with - the nether regions of a woman we'd never even met, those that still cared to listen could get closer to an artist without the constraint of artful and angry posturing.