July 14, 2009 Earworm

All that talk of Michael and The Jackson 5 inevitably leads my inner jukebox to their rivals, The Osmonds. Sweet and toothy, they bit into a track written for, but passed on by, the 5 and "One Bad Apple" ended up at number 1 for five weeks, just as "Mama's Pearl" was released. Manager Mike Curb was wise in sending the brothers to Rick Hall's Fame Studios in Muscle Shoals, probably as far from their origins as they could get without a brothel being involved. Trying the lead vocal with both Donny and Merrill, with the perfect confection created with a smooth blend of both and Osmond mania exploded.

Curb was smart enough to follow up "One Bad Apple" with a cover of an obscure Roy Orbison track, "Sweet And Innocent"*, credited to Donny Osmond (of The Osmonds) before bothering with a formal Osmonds follow up, gaining two acts for the price of one. Before we knew it, there was Little Jimmy, the Scrappy-Do of the family, and then Marie was unleashed.

As 1974 played out, Donny and Marie were everywhere singing uninspired cover versions of the songs of yesteryear - dragging along the mold of most of Donny's solo career it seemed - and the other brothers must have seen the writing on the wall. Before quietly fading into the background they worked out the blue print for every boy band who had aspirations to blue eyed soul and "Love Me For A Reason" jumped to number ten - their first visit to that neighborhood since the bizarre "Down By Lazy River" thirty months before. As a proud lover of "Quit Playing Games With My Heart" and several others of its ilk, every eight or nine years I find myself as thankful for "Love Me For A Reason" as I was when it was first released. In another odd turn, one of the composers of "Love Me..." was former Motown wunderkind, Johnny Bristol. Want another odd turn? "Ben" was intended for Donny but scheduling conflicts made it impossible.

Don't get me wrong, I know The Osmonds were no Jackson 5. But, the Jackson 5 weren't no Osmonds either. So, it all worked out perfectly.

*I'd chalk it up to simple nostalgia except that I hated it when it came out, but as goofy as it is, "Sweet And Innocent" sounds mighty awesome as I type this. And as gooey as "Go Away Little Girl" and "Puppy Love" still are, Donny's cover of "Hey Girl" is a damn fine record, too. Seriously. I mean it. But, I had no Osmonds posters on my wall...